The Importance of Active Participation as a Parent in a Child’s Life

“The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day.”

O. A. Battista

Time.

It’s the one thing we can never get back, and yet, so many of us parents—whether a father, mother, or even a single mom or dad—find ourselves caught up in the daily grind, thinking, “I’ll make it up to them later.”

But later never comes.

Before you know it, your child has outgrown the toddler stage, and you barely noticed.

Active participation is more than just providing.

It’s about being present, engaged, and involved in every part of your child’s life.

From their early life to their teenage years, your presence matters more than you think.

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Growing Up Angry

I grew up barely knowing my Dad.

Make no mistake about it, my dad, is a good father. A good provider.

But, he was away on business trips a lot.

And I remember being jealous of my friends who had their dads around them when they were younger.

My mom died when I was 18 which forced my dad to be more present in our lives as a parental figure. At first, I resented it because I did not know who he was. I resented the authority figure he presented.

I was an angry teen. I would always get into fights because I did not have his guidance or active participation while I was growing up.

If not for my mom, I would have probably been worse.

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Why Active Participation Matters

Children don’t just need food, shelter, and education—they need connection. Studies show that kids with involved parents tend to perform better in school, develop healthier emotional responses, and are less likely to engage in risky behavior.

When you show up consistently, whether it’s helping with homework, attending a Parents Teachers Assembly (PTA) meeting, or simply sharing a meal together, you’re reinforcing one powerful message: “I’m here. I care. You matter.”

And trust me, that’s worth more than any toy, gadget, or fancy tuition fee.

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How Fathers and Mothers Shape a Child’s Future

The Role of Fatherhood and Motherhood

I’m human.

That means I have an idealized view of the roles of a father and a mother in a family.

I’m not always right.

A father teaches confidence, responsibility, and resilience. A mother nurtures emotional intelligence, communication, education, and empathy.

Both roles are crucial, but what happens when one parent is absent or not providing enough active participation?

Or what if you’re a single parent trying to balance work and parenting?

No worries. The key isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present.

• Fathers, your child needs to see you trying, even if you’re awkward at first. Play with them, ask about their day, and listen without distractions.
• Mothers, your presence alone creates a foundation of security that your child will carry into adulthood.
• Single parents, don’t stress about doing it all alone. Lean on community, other parents, or family members when needed.

The goal is to make sure your child feels seen, heard, and loved.

I wish I could have written about this 30 years ago and gave it to my dad for light reading. But that would have meant, I’d be giving parental advice to my own father at 16 which is just not right. I wouldn’t have had the emotional maturity to do so.

And I’m not saying I’m emotionally mature now.

Like everyone else, I’m still learning how to be a parent.

What little know of being a parent, I’m trying to share with you in the hopes that you will share your experience as well by commenting in the comments section or emailing me.

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The Toddler Stage: A Critical Window for Connection

If there’s ever a time when active participation makes the biggest impact, it’s during the toddler stage. This is when children absorb everything like sponges.

Instead of handing them a tablet or phone to keep them quiet, engage with them.

Play pretend.

Read books together.

Dance kahit wala sa timing!

These small moments shape their confidence and curiosity for life.

You’ll look like a fool but only if it matters to you what the public has to say about your actions.

They don’t matter.

It’s your child who does.

Be a fool.

Sing.

Dance.

Play.

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Gentle Parenting: A More Effective Approach

Ever heard the phrase “Don’t get mad” but found it hard to follow?

Parenting is tough, but yelling or punishing harshly often leads to fear, not respect.

Gentle parenting focuses on teaching, not controlling. It’s about guiding your child through emotions rather than suppressing them.

Next time your child throws a tantrum, take a deep breath and ask yourself: “Am I teaching or just reacting?” The way we respond teaches them how to handle their own emotions later in life.

I’d have to admit that I only found out about gentle parenting in 2021. It was a term that was brought up by my wife and I didn’t really know much about it. But the more the discussion came up, the more I realized that I was lucky enough to be a product of gentle parenting.

I know everyone claims their mom was a saint but my mom really was and everyone around me would always tell me how good of a person she was.

You would never hear her raise her voice.

I never got physically punished by my mom even though I was always getting into fights in school.

But she was stern.

And it only took a look into her eyes that straightened me and my siblings out when we were getting too rambunctious in her presence.

I also remember how she’d let me be angry and then by holding my hand bring me back to my senses and lead me to be more rational or to listen.

That’s what I’m trying to do with Lyle and in a way, it seems to be working. Her active participation in my life is transcending her death and making it’s way to my son.

My dad on the other hand was quicker to call us out when we were doing stuff we shouldn’t be doing. And he would always have something to say an a quick lesson that made us realize what we were doing was wrong.

And I know it doesn’t work for everybody. Sometimes, you do need to raise your voice or a hand to dole out some discipline. It’s not for me though. But do I hope I will be able to emulate what my parents did for us.

“Spare the rod and spoil the child”

What works for me may not work for you and that’s okay. Just remember not to treat the word “rod” too literally.

You’ll know what works. Every parent eventually knows even though their child is fully grown up.

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Practical Ways to Be More Involved in Your Child’s Education

I know I’m not the perfect example of academic excellence but I also know that school plays a huge role in child education. I also know that a parents’ involvement is just as crucial.

And we’re not gonna get it right the first time. But with constant work, we’ll eventually get it. It’s not an overnight thing. And even then, we might even still fail.

I guess the keyword is being more conscious about our actions and being more consistent in the decisions we make to carry out how we choose to involve ourselves in our child’s life.

Here’s how you can actively support your child’s learning:

Attend PTA Meetings

Many parents skip Parents Teachers Assembly (PTA) meetings, thinking they’re unnecessary. But this is where you get valuable insights about your child’s strengths and struggles. Even if you’re busy, make time—it shows your child that their education matters to you.

Last Saturday was one of the toughest days I had to face recently. I had to attend a PTA meeting. But it wasn’t the meeting that was the tough. It was the events leading towards it that proved challenging.

You see I had been up since 9AM the previous day, taiking care of Lyle’s needs. I had to feed him, give him his vitamins, brush his teeth, bathe him, and get him ready for school. I guess I’m just thankful that he listens to me despite his mischievous nature.

I drove him to school, got home and sorted laundry to bring to the laundromat later. I also had to do some light writing before taking a short 30-minute nap before picking him up after school.

So, I loaded everything into the car and proceeded to his school where I had to wait a few extra minutes so he could play in the playground. And then we passed by the laundromat and arrived home.

Read his lessons, practiced writing, fed and bathed him and then took another 30-minute nap before work started.

I work as an SEO Specialist so a good 9 hours of my day is spent on work. And after that I have my personal projects.

After work (Saturday morning), I had to cook breakfast, bring the garbage to the collection center, and then get ready for the PTA meeting.

Yes, it seems like a lot but when you eventually get a routine down, it becomes easy and second-nature.

And so I attended the PTA meeting and tried my best not to doze off by constantly sipping from my canister of coffee, stretching, and shaking my legs like I do at work just so I’d understand what was being said in the meeting more.

Homework Doesn’t Have to Be a Battle

Instead of nagging, try making homework time enjoyable. Sit beside them, ask questions, and be genuinely curious. They’ll appreciate your presence more than you think.

I owe a lot to my mom when it comes to study habits. Her style was very light. All I had to do was do some solid reading and studying for 30 minutes a day but I would always have to start at page 1 and progress from there. So day 1 is page 1, day 2 is page 1 and 2, day 3 is page 1, 2 and 3.

At the end of 30 days, I had memorized page 1 so much I could recite it in my sleep.

And I still do this to this day.

And Lyle and I do it too.

It just makes him focus enough for a short time and also gives him an idea that there is a reward if he just sits still long enough to do what needs to be done.

The rest of the day is focused on play.

There are other styles of studying and this is what works for me and my son. I know that other studying methods are also effective so use what works best for you.

Make Learning Part of Everyday Life

Education isn’t just about school. Learning is everywhere if you take the time to show them.

Teach them responsibility by letting them help set the table. Teach them empathy by making it clear what you feel. Talk to your child to speed up his conversational development. Let him play physically to let him learn how his body works.

Encourage creativity with imaginative play. We talk a lot about things that interest him like characters on TV or watching short clips of animals. We spend a lot of time pretending we are in a castle or that my belt is a pet snake (I’m trying to prepare him for the responsibility of owning a pet.)

I’m a believer of everything is a learning opportunity and I am hoping that we will be able to instill that unlimited well of curiosity in him at such a young age.

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What’s in it for You?

I know it’s pretty far down the discussion but what’s in it for you to actively participate in your child’s life?

My mom died when I was 18. 18 years is too short a time for a parent to be in their child’s life. But I remember my mom vividly because of what her active participation did for my siblings and I. She was a constant presence in our lives and she shaped who we are today as adults.

Now that’s not saying my dad wasn’t a good parent. He is a good father and a good provider but he was away a lot. In fact, I barely knew him until he provided more active participation in our lives after our mom passed away.

To be fair, I was also away a lot. I’d spend summers in Zamboanga, or Cebu, or Manila. We were also very busy with school activities like sports, spelling bees, being part of the school paper and student council.

Then there was also judo, karate, basketball, and swimming.

And not to forget the 2 years that I was in the seminary.

He was busy running a business and trying to provide for his family. I can’t say I did not resent it but over time, I realized how selfish I was for being angry at him for doing what a man was supposed to do for his family.

What I’m trying to say is that children remember these things. Children remember and it ultimately shapes who they become as adults.

These memories can be a basis for love. And you would want your child to remember you as much as possible because we’ll eventually pass away. And the only thing that remains is that memory.

You don’t know how long you’ll live. You could live up to a hundred or more or get taken too soon at 45 or younger.

You’ll want that period of existence with your child to be as full of memories as possible.

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Final Thoughts: Your Presence is the Best Gift

At the end of the day, no amount of money, toys, or gadgets can replace active participation. Whether you’re a father, a mother, or a single parent, your child needs you—not just as a provider, but as a guide, a mentor, and a safe space.

So put the phone down.

Make eye contact.

Laugh.

Listen.

Be there.

Because those moments?

Those are the ones they’ll remember forever.