Depression and dealing with it

For the longest time I have been depressed. I recently watched “The Beaver” starring Mel Gibson and was surprised at the many similarities his depression had with mine.

Thank god I am conscious enough to know I was going down a dark spiral and made a decision to change my situation.

My depression was caused by the very thing I loved to do. Work.

I have always worked ever since I could remember. I was always thinking about how to earn money even at a young age.

Games were things I did not indulge in unless I knew there was something I could get out of it. Tys were just little trophies I bought to reward myself for all the “hard work” I did.

And yet I wanted more.

I could not put a name on it then.

Now I can.

It is freedom.

Freedom to do what I want to do. Freedom to express myself.

I was happy earning money as a manager but not as happy as when I was playing in my band for free.

Or earning pennies from writing.

I have come to realize that I dealt with my depression in the only way I could before. Work and move past it. I never addressed it.

After leaving my job as a manager and working as a Networker and having a lot more freedom, I can now say I am slowly taking back what I had lost working as an employee for a very long time.

Freedom.